Denial thrives on blame. Blame thrives on denial. They work hard together to keep people successfully stuck.
If anyone wants to experience change that’s good for their soul, in any area of their lives, they’ve got to take up ownership in getting themselves closer to where they want to be.
Excuses and blame will never be in short-supply. If you settle for excuses and blame, you settle for remaining stuck. You’ve GOT to get passed excuses and blame if you want to avoid being stuck.
Movement. Change needs movement.
Movement often needs to start with moving your thoughts and beliefs around, in a conscious awakened state.
What is it YOU are after? Get clear on the “who” before getting clear on the “what”. Do YOU want this? Or is this coming from someone else who doesn’t live your life, but believes they know better how you should live your own life? Big difference, you’re you — they’re not.
Now, after you sort out ownership of the desired change YOU are after, congratulate yourself. You are stepping into your power by stepping into life ownership. This may be a small step that nobody other than you will recognize, but it is a big deal. Huge. This is where your moxie will come from – life ownership.
Next – Ask yourself this, and wait for the answer from within…
Do you believe you are worth what you’re after? If you do not, consider the possibility that you are settling for owning shame that is not yours. Someone from somewhere, has projected their own shit onto you. This most likely happened when you least expected or suspected it, or you wouldn’t have let it in. Aka childhood or when someone you looked up to somehow mishandled your vulnerability, and therefore has kept you stuck without you even knowing it. You’re getting yourself self-awareness, which launches you into self-empowerment. You can’t change if you don’t have a sense of power. Self-awareness and self-empowerment are musts in life, underlined with self-compassion. Breathe. These are biggies that most people struggle with in different degrees. Find yourself a good therapist if you need support to sort through this because you ARE worth it.
Back to it, let’s not forget that you are after something good for your soul.
If you long for something to change to the point that it creates enough pain and dissatisfaction in your life without it changing, consider yourself officially: Invited
Invited to step it up in life. Instead of focusing on things you feel you cannot do, focus on things you can do — today, tomorrow, or within the next few days.
Then – get busy. Follow through. If you know you have the tendency, more than not to “forget”, slack off, or trip up with excuses when it comes to delivery time – do yourself a well deserved favor and get yourself some kind of accountability partner. This will up your chances of following through. A requirement for accountability to work on your end is having humility and honesty. Otherwise all bets are off.
If you need something more concrete, make yourself a plan of action in writing. Even if it’s just one or two steps that are different than what you usually do, that’s enough to start with. Most people need this concrete plan in the beginning, until there’s enough momentum to perpetuate the change you’re after. Share it with someone you trust.
When you do follow through, no matter how small – tell somebody who can celebrate and congratulate you. Recognize that force of pride welling up within you. You earned that. Keep doing what got you that feeling – by following through.
You can always re-evaluate your next steps. You can always adjust, but make sure to keep your eyes on what you’re ultimately after.
Gradual steps for personal change make a difference. And that is what you want – a difference. Change. For something to change, something has to change.
Be compassionate and gracious with yourself, but be wholeheartedly committed to learning as you go, and keep moving forward.
Believe, conceive, and achieve.
You are worth it. You really are.