This blog is my shared process in working towards integrating self-awareness with all other aspects of life, while on my way to becoming more authentic and whole.
Intruder Sound the alarm An uncomfortable thought broke in Another unpleasant memory with an unpleasant feeling
Back off, you invader Leave me alone I will resist you I will cut you off You’re an unwelcome
No.
Excuse me?
I said “No”
Who is this “I”?
I am the “I” You are also the “I” You’ve forgotten who you are Just because it hurts doesn’t mean you’re going to die I can be trusted with your thoughts, memories, and feelings
Yes, push back Push back the smothering walls in this suffocating house You can contain more – not less Make room for what arises These are not enemies These are honored guests Unpleasant at first yet the more you resist, the more they persist
They come from within, not from afar Where else will they go? They belong to you You kick them out And they’ll return This isn’t a threat It’s dharma, it’s reality Treat them as allies, not as foes The choices is yours This house is laid brick by brick This life is made, choice by choice This one life is yours All yours
I did it again. Practice makes progress in being, me
I felt our collective discomfort but didn’t sell out In that trance-like, shape-shifting blurring into “not really me”, me
As usual I wasn’t paid by your approval I was paid however, by my own
As anticipated, failed approval-seeking came my way I now know what I didn’t, so I don’t despair The fear of rejection subsides So my authentic self doesn’t need to hide
I know in the absence of your approval, is mine But when I reject my authenticity I taste it in my gut I taste it in my soul And it always leaves a hole
Damn, the anxiety I once felt when falling in that hole It left such disparity in my soul In that disparity I found MY soul But it never truly left me, it was only but an illusion The absence of your validation doesn’t cause such an ego contusion Where once forsaken energy can flow, that which truly satisfies me whole
Long entangled strings from old baggage seem to follow, like a shadow.
The longer you’ve traveled this earth, the more you collect. In it can be treasures or and, rotten waste.
Open up your baggage! Its damn flowing train is getting too long! It’s now a tripping hazard for you and for me!
I wish it were as easy as the Baggage Claim at the airport. Travelers recognize their own or can check the name tag. But this baggage isn’t so easily claimed! It’s mistakenly claimed as mine when it’s really yours!
Back and forth the disclaimed and misclaimed baggage gets passionately tossed between us. Like a hot potato. Scorched are the hands who hold on too long.
Not all of this will burn. There are unclaimed treasures inside too. There’s been a spill from the unfinished business of your past. It has contaminated everything.
When you indiscriminately throw away your past, it comes back. Boomerang. Give and it will be given back? Karmic energy?
Reclaim the abandoned energy within and between you. This will be a joint success, a joint failure, or a joint holding pattern; awaiting clearance. You cannot abandon this energy force, without consequence.
The whole is more than the sum of its parts.
I repeat…
The whole is more than the sum of its parts.
So… Whose shit is this? It’s ours.
Your past, my past Your beliefs, my beliefs Your experiences, my experiences Your pain, my pain Your dreams, my dreams Your grief, my grief Your fears, my fears Your victories, my victories Your strengths, my strengths Your weaknesses, my weaknesses
It all goes into one bag. Like different threads, weaved into a tapestry.
Joint ownership. Joint consequences. Joint time limit.
One bag One tapestry Many threads Our threads
We work to carry it together and move on, Or we toss it back and forth together And, remain firmly stuck in a holding pattern; awaiting clearance… someday. Who knows when?
Meanwhile, time passes by. Time – non-renewable resource. Time. No returns, refunds, or exchanges.
Whose shit is this? Ours. Whose treasure is this? Ours.
mindingmybiz 
