mindingmybiz

This blog is my shared process in working towards integrating self-awareness with all other aspects of life, while on my way to becoming more authentic and whole.

Archive for the tag “existentialism”

19 Aug 2021

Reflections on Life, While Living…

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Life is complex.
Life is simple.
Both are true.

Truth is simple, it’s simply what is – uncovered.
Truth is complex, it’s complexly what is – uncovered.
Both observations are true.

Certainty is my kryptonite.
My desire, attraction, and pull towards knowing and obtaining “right” thinking, “right” beliefs, or Certitude is where my servitude follows.

Certitude is my Achilles’ heel.

Wherefore Art Thou, Certitude?
You are the illusion that seduces me when I’m at my most vulnerable brink.

My logical reasoning leads me with chords of un-ease to the melody of posturing antidotes of Certitude – so alluring, so alluring.

And yet – the more I search the earth’s crevices for You,
The more abandoned I feel.
Left with unending questioning of myself and You,
I find this strange alchemy consisting of pleasure and pain.

Pursuing You, Thou Certitude is an addiction of the mind.
The payoffs are immediate and fleeting,
Though, the tolerance levels are becoming more and more demanding
Leaving me with shorter peaks of peace-of-mind, tranquility, and random moments of bliss
Just enough to keep me hooked.

The mountain tops of truth feel warmer
Until a rebuttal challenges and destabilizes the former

What am I fervently searching for? 
Security. 
Safety.
Truth.

A firm ground to lay and graze in, for me and my loved ones.
This search springs from both love and fear which simultaneously can consume me, side by side.

I contend with the push-and-pull to let you go
For fearing your absence is all I know

The notion of letting You go and accepting that

…You are an illusion
Birthed from human existence and vulnerability…
Birthed in relentless hope and resiliency…

This is not in the many books and paths I’ve poured my soul out to, in search of You.
Perhaps this is part and parcel of the human journey for this soul who sits behind this screen, as both writer and reader.

Answers and Certitude aren’t found in man-made potions or notions
Only illusions with half-truths, disguised as whole truths.

“Truths” that we devote ourselves to, and coerce others into believing, or else!
Then divide over, for your good and mine, of course.

For we do not know fully and with certainty, and yet we still search and proclaim the insane…
That only we have the full, exclusive, equally applicable truth for all; adhere…or else.

This madness, this arrogance
Isn’t easy or simple to spot or stop.
It’s all too often desperately and aggressively ridiculed, while practiced.

Well, this is an integral part of what it means to be in the human tribe.
It’s hard to make sense of.
At least for me, in this season.

And yet,
It will be well,
In this complex soul.

from
Posted in poetry, reflective poetry, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment
07 Dec 2019
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To Humanly Exist…

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What does it mean to be human?

What does it mean to be “enough”?

To be human is to be enough, and not inherently lacking.  Yet, we have needs.  We have needs that are not always met right away.  How do you cope with unmet longings without letting go of your own heart and soul?  Is it by connecting to your heart and soul, without an agenda other than to just see the soul in its purest and most vulnerable form?  No masks, no pretenses.  

Consider nature.  It shows its bare naked soul, 24/7.  I don’t see the trees trying to cover their tree nature up or hide from being seen as a tree, while trying to imitate the ocean instead.

The wind blows, and doesn’t try to flash like lightning bolts.  The sun shines its bare naked soul, and doesn’t try to alter itself and shine instead, like the moon.  The orchid doesn’t try to be like the rose and strive to grow thorns. Nature exists, naked and unashamed. 

Nature is strong and yet, it is impacted by humans who have free, independent wills.  

Humans are impacted by independent wills, while being also impacting how others use their own wills. 

What is it like to be who you are, and not try to be who you aren’t?  We have so much to learn from nature.

To be contently human means to live in the fluctuating ambiguity of what it means to long for, and yet be satisfied with what is.  It is part of the human experience to feel pain and loss, to love and reach out, while risking rejection, to let go, as well as to passionately embrace.  To experience joy and abundance, grief and dissonance, yet understand that nothing we know as we know it, is permanent.   

How to live humanly well is to live in acceptance of our power and limitations.  To live in mystery and understanding.  There are not always available answers. And yet to accept this mystery while not shutting down, or tripping up others from getting their own unique answers and experiences, is how to live well, together.

The answers I seek, the security I seek, is found in letting go of that which I cannot control.  I cannot control as much as I try to, yet I can control more than I believe I can.  My power is expansive, yet I feel constriction when I am withholding my own power, from myself.   

I am impacted by my environment, that is not weakness – it is nature at work.  I am a living and evolving creature who is impacted by her environment, and also impacts her environment.

The anchor to life’s ups and downs can be found in the most basic of ways – connection to my soul.  I’m finding my soul is similar to others yet has a uniqueness only I possess.  I can intimately engage with my soul yet, experience she is evolving and can be as mysterious as the night-time sky.  And I find what anchors me in one moment, can shift just like the night-time sky.  And what anchors me, may differ from what anchors you. I can be at peace, with all of this.

Living life well is about living in paradox, well.    

Just like the universe, it is expansive and reaches way out there and is always expanding, yet is right here, within my soul. 

And, I believe it is in your soul as well.

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