mindingmybiz

This blog is my shared process in working towards integrating self-awareness with all other aspects of life, while on my way to becoming more authentic and whole.

Reflections on Life, While Living…

Life is complex.
Life is simple.
Both are true.

Truth is simple, it’s simply what is – uncovered.
Truth is complex, it’s complexly what is – uncovered.
Both observations are true.

Certainty is my kryptonite.
My desire, attraction, and pull towards knowing and obtaining “right” thinking, “right” beliefs, or Certitude is where my servitude follows.

Certitude is my Achilles’ heel.

Wherefore Art Thou, Certitude?
You are the illusion that seduces me when I’m at my most vulnerable brink.

My logical reasoning leads me with chords of un-ease to the melody of posturing antidotes of Certitude – so alluring, so alluring.

And yet – the more I search the earth’s crevices for You,
The more abandoned I feel.
Left with unending questioning of myself and You,
I find this strange alchemy consisting of pleasure and pain.

Pursuing You, Thou Certitude is an addiction of the mind.
The payoffs are immediate and fleeting,
Though, the tolerance levels are becoming more and more demanding
Leaving me with shorter peaks of peace-of-mind, tranquility, and random moments of bliss
Just enough to keep me hooked.

The mountain tops of truth feel warmer
Until a rebuttal challenges and destabilizes the former

What am I fervently searching for? 
Security. 
Safety.
Truth.

A firm ground to lay and graze in, for me and my loved ones.
This search springs from both love and fear which simultaneously can consume me, side by side.

I contend with the push-and-pull to let you go
For fearing your absence is all I know

The notion of letting You go and accepting that

…You are an illusion
Birthed from human existence and vulnerability…
Birthed in relentless hope and resiliency…

This is not in the many books and paths I’ve poured my soul out to, in search of You.
Perhaps this is part and parcel of the human journey for this soul who sits behind this screen, as both writer and reader.

Answers and Certitude aren’t found in man-made potions or notions
Only illusions with half-truths, disguised as whole truths.

“Truths” that we devote ourselves to, and coerce others into believing, or else!
Then divide over, for your good and mine, of course.

For we do not know fully and with certainty, and yet we still search and proclaim the insane…
That only we have the full, exclusive, equally applicable truth for all; adhere…or else.

This madness, this arrogance
Isn’t easy or simple to spot or stop.
It’s all too often desperately and aggressively ridiculed, while practiced.

Well, this is an integral part of what it means to be in the human tribe.
It’s hard to make sense of.
At least for me, in this season.

And yet,
It will be well,
In this complex soul.

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