Gonna Hear Me Roar
To anyone who wants to listen, listen up…
I am currently
listening to blasting Roar by Katy Perry.
This is so therapeutic for me.
First, I gotta address the haters in my head….the constant critics..
They say, “Why are you blogging as if you’re writing in a private journal entry, but in public? Don’t air your dirty laundry out in public. Do it in private, please.”
My response: I gotta take a shit.
If you’ve been holding in your bowels for years on end and you’re about to burst, you just do it. My figurative bowels consist of conforming (out of fear) to the majority within my closest psycho-social environment, while constipating anything that poses a possible threat to this goal of conformity, even when it is within my own head.
I’m welcoming a developing condition of enmity to conformity within my psycho-social environments and I need to do it loud and proud. If not, I am at risk of shrinking back to my previously conditioned default of fear-driven conformity, which is extremely likely the stem of many of my past “mental/mood disorders” and even physical ailments, such as my over-a-decade battle against the voice disorder, MTD (Muscle Tension Dysphonia).
Therefore – an essential part of my own recovery is being out LOUD about it. Privacy and secrecy are all fine and dandy and serve their legitimate purposes and I will confine myself to those purposes when I determine they serve my recovery best, but I believe they can also be overrated when it comes to healing from shame and fear.
My hope is that me finding my true voice and authentic-self – out LOUD, and lovingly wooing her out of the darkness of shame and fear will provide inspiration, hope and permission for others to embark on the same courageous life-long journey in their own territory. It’s an uphill battle, and I cannot do it alone, but I alone have got to take the steps to do this.