mindingmybiz

This blog is my shared process in working towards integrating self-awareness with all other aspects of life, while on my way to becoming more authentic and whole.

Archive for the tag “affirmations”

Self Check-In

synchronicity-2Whenever I’ve been unclear and ambivalent about how to proceed in any given situation, especially relationally, I’ve often gone outward to seek guidance.  It has proven to be useful and beneficial, but it can also keep me dependent on external sources of wisdom while stunting my own development of discernment.

I’ve been confused about where to go for guidance when facing a crossroads.  Do I go inside myself because I know myself best, or do I seek wisdom and guidance from others because they have a more objective perspective?  I’ve often thought it was an either/or approach, yet I’m realizing I don’t have just one “right” option.  Wisdom and discernment often come through BOTH avenues; inside and outside of myself, from trusting myself AND trusting others who’ve earned my trust.  Wisdom can be imported from external sources, or it can be imported from my own internal sources of wisdom within.  god as I understand it is the source of all wisdom, and discerning Hhs voice is what I am after.  He does speak to me from within, for he dwells within my inner-spirit.  It’s just a matter of unveiling his voice, which is often unconventional.

My current ambition involves the practice of going within myself, first.  Whenever possible, I do a self check-in, using the tools of Dr. Dan Siegel’s acronym of SIFT.

Sensations
Images
Feelings
Thoughts

-SIFT.

If I still feel confused and ambivalent, I have the option of going to others I trust.  They can be friends, a therapist, family members, recovery fellow-travelers, a pastor, books, podcasts, blogs, etc.  These are some of the options I have when trying to discern where God is lovingly guiding me.  When I do seek out external sources of guidance, I am still the one who is ultimately discerning what feedback resonates and what does not.  Using the SIFT tools while receiving feedback is always an option I can take.  They empower me in helping me wake up and make a conscious choice, weighing what is going on inside of me AND the feedback I’ve heard from others.   The process of discernment often involves a conscious and intentional dialogue within me and with trusted others.  It is not a monologue, at least for me.

Ultimately, I am the one who must live with the decisions I make for my own life.  How I discern applying my value-system with its certain expectations, limitations and boundaries will evoke judgement from others and within, always.  But it is my life I am trying to live out, not somebody else’s, so fearing the judgment is a major distraction in gaining discernment.  The truth is, everybody judges everybody, myself included.  So, then what?

Love frees me because it feeds me.  It frees me from fearing the inevitable judgment that is part of living life on earth.  Judgement will come, as surely as gravity pulls me back down to the ground after I jump.  Checking in with myself from a place of love and being fed, in the midst of judgments are what will keep me centered.  Love feeds me, judgment robs me.

Jesus is my Center.  He dwells within me.  He showed me explicitly on the cross how to judge myself aright – as loved, and as worthy to die for.   When I am love-hungry I’m ripe for Jesus’ love to enter in, yet I’m also vulnerable to fearing judgments and internalizing (feeding off) them.  This is what robs me of living life to the fullest extent.  Jesus came to give life, not take it.

“The thief approaches with malicious intent, looking to steal, slaughter and destroy; I came to give life with joy and abundance.” -John 10:10

Self check-ins based in love, not fear are the way for me to go.  Interchanging judgment with punishment in the verse below helps me get this, because judgment sure can feel like punishment to me, just as chewing on food that I crave, but not being able to swallow it.

“Love will never invoke fear.  Perfect love expels fear, particularly the fear of punishment.  The one who fears punishment has not been completed through love.”  – 1 John 4:18

 

 

Affirming What Is

truthAcceptance has been a missing piece in my life.  Self-acceptance and others-acceptance has not come easily for me.  The ramifications of that have been discontentment.

The kind of acceptance I am wanting to cultivate is not an absence of desire or a dismissal of what is or is not.  It is seeing clearly what is and what is not, along with acknowledging how I feel about it, and then coming to terms with it.  In the process of coming to terms with what is or what is not, I need to access my feelings and beliefs through self-awareness.

Self-awareness feels foggy and intimidating when I do not have boundaries that affirm what is.

The following statements are affirming what is, so I can grow in my self-awareness within these affirmative boundaries, and therefore be less self-deceived.

  • I can trust myself and others when I acknowledge and do not deny what I know, see, feel and hear.
  • I acknowledge that I may never be totally without pain and suffering AND I can learn to protect and nurture myself.  The two are not mutually exclusive
  • I can take care of myself and it won’t kill others.
  • My self-care is my business and my business will go bankrupt if I rob myself of self-care.
  • My feelings have equal value as other people’s; not more and not less.
  • Other people’s willingness and capacity to accept and love me for who I am is not my business to own.  I am not responsible for running other people’s businesses.
  • I can function even when I’m scared.  I can be scared and uncertain, and still be OK.
  • I can pause while feeling strong emotions, I do not always need to act immediately.
  • I can know when it’s better to just sit in my emotions and ride them out, before acting on them.
  • I know how my insides work best; what I need, what I perceive, what I intuit….when I listen and honor myself.
  • I need to admit how much I needed them, before I can let go of needing them now.
  • I can tell my shaming inner-parent, “Your message has been received, now shut-up!”
  • In recovery, I can separate and individuate while still showing up for myself.  All else will follow.
  • First things first.
  • My trust in God, myself and other safe people will grow.
  • I no longer need to live in denial, because God has my back when it comes to acknowledging hard things.
  • The more awake and present I am in the moment, the better I can take care of myself and others when I consciously choose to do so.
  • My emotions cannot kill or harm anyone else, ever.  My actions, however; may or may not.
  • I can take ownership of my choices and feel empowered with the self-awareness I gain from doing so.
  • I can hear criticism from others and perhaps extract beneficial information for my own recovery, without absorbing shame and unwarranted guilt.
  • Most decisions I make are not life or death (even if they feel like it).
  • If I’m having self-destructive thoughts, I can ask how my heart has been missed.
  • My inner child has wounded/injured parts as well as healthy/strong parts.  I can respect both.
  • My pain is all I need as proof that I am hurting.
  • I can learn to trust myself and ask for what I need.
  • I can choose whom I will and will not let into my inner life.
  • I can stop giving away my power to others out of fear, and take steps towards reclaiming my personal power.
  • I can be present and sincerely listen to another share their raw pain and anger, without having to take responsibility for fixing or rescuing them from feeling their pain.
  • I can always listen to my inner-child.
  • Feeling deep abandonment pain is not self-hate or self-pity, it helps heal my inner-child.
  • I can see that I have many options and choices.
  • Getting well and becoming whole is the sweetest revenge!

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