You have an emotionally intelligence-based gift if you’re able to own the need to validate yourself (grant your emotions sacred space away from the inner-critic
even especially, uncomfortable emotions). This is the basis for emotional self-care. Living with the emotional intelligence to perceive this need is a privilege which provides you with inconspicuous but indispensable benefits. And while it’s a gift for those who are emotionally sensitive (not fragile, but sensitive) it’s also a responsibility that when left unattended for too long, will create suffering. A disconnect from your source of internal power that’s waiting to be tapped into will persist, the more you resist this need.
Instead of believing this need for validation is wreaking your life because it somehow means that you’re defective, weak, or too needy – see it as an opportunity to reclaim your power. All humans need this, because humans are more than just physical matter. Whether they see it or not for themselves, you can own this for yourself. Does having an emotional need make you vulnerable? It depends. If you deny them – yes. Very. If you take ownership of them – then it’s a source of power. Why? Because the most powerful potion lies within you. You just need to drink it up.
For many of us who grew up in the emotional Stone Age, our emotional need for validation has been such a tragically, undeservingly, shamed part of us. Yet, is worthy of the utmost respect. Why? Because it’s a core aspect of what it means to be HUMAN.
If your internal well-being depends on externals in order to feel good, are you OK with feeling extremely vulnerable and powerless?
For whatever it’s worth to you – I validate your need for validation! But trust me, you don’t need me or anyone else to validate this for you, in order to survive. You can learn to do this for yourself, with compassion and consistency.
Just as your body needs oxygen, food, and water – your soul needs validation. And you are more than just a body made up of physical matter. You have a soul, and THAT matters.
You can feed your soul validation (which is the most powerful form of validation for you). And THEN, you’re able to gratefully receive (versus grab onto for dear life) whatever external validation is being served up your way. External validation is based on a variety of things outside of you. For instance, how much or how little others feel validated. External validation isn’t an accurate portrayal of your worth. Receiving external validation in addition to yours, is an important supplement. But when external validation is your ONLY source, this is when you unwittingly become extremely vulnerable, all while you bullshit yourself into believing you’re invulnerable. When you do not practice or let alone, acknowledge your own emotional self-care needs – this leaves you wide open to being needlessly and precariously, emotionally dependent. Even if you feel you’re getting this outside of an intimate relationship like through meeting certain societal or external standards for being “good enough”, it’s still not coming from YOU. When you depend on external sources of validation, you easily become manipulated and/or destabilized either by individuals, group-think, or cultural/societal standards of your worthiness because you’ve lost connection to your internal source of power – YOU. And you let your worth be defined by others.
Being emotionally sensitive supports you to being exquisitely in touch with this universal human need for validation. And this may feel like a curse, but it is a GIFT which is worthy of being unapologetically owned, cared for, enjoyed, and talked about.
You are no victim to your emotional needs! Though you can interpret this from a victim standpoint when you deny and shun this sacred part of you.
You possess a source of power that nobody can outright steal from you. Nobody. Consider Jesus, Nelson Mandela, or other humanitarian martyrs around the world, throughout history.
In our emotionally avoidant culture, it’s safe to say that the emotional part of you has been poorly misunderstood. You don’t have to buy into it anymore. Again – accepting your need for validation; isn’t what makes you vulnerable; quite the opposite! It’s what connects you to your power.
When you connect deeply to the Divine Lifesource from within, notice how this impacts how you react to external slights or invalidations (perceived or real). You’ll still notice them, but you won’t lose your footing.
Others who envy this secret potion and don’t realize they have it to, may get their sense of power/control from provoking or manipulating you. They may consciously or unconsciously invalidate it. Let them! We’ve all been there before, and can easily slip back into that insecure place. And still, find the courage to press on as you evolve consciously, imperfectly, and as authentically as you can – one step at a time.
This is your secret power-potion, because when this practice of emotional self-care is done in secret, it’s powerful.