mindingmybiz

This blog is my shared process in working towards integrating self-awareness with all other aspects of life, while on my way to becoming more authentic and whole.

Archive for the tag “Self-awareness”

Aloe Vera Transplant

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These photos are symbolic of life…

I got an aloe vera plant, which has potential to produce abundant benefits to others.

On the top page, my new aloe vera plant is well established in the small potting plant which was sufficient to get it started, but it is now constraining the plant and cannot allow it to keep growing. If it is not moved to a larger pot, its roots cannot spread out, it will stop growing at best, and at worse die.  This isn’t because its a defective plant, or a defective pot – rather its an ineffective combination given the limits and needs of each other, and their intended purposes.

I need to transfer the aloe vera plant into a larger pot to support its growth so it can be more beneficial to me and others.  The plant must be regularly well cared for, but even if its well watered and kept in sufficient sunlight, it needs to be rooted in an environment that is conducive to its own natural process of growth.

Be kind to your roots, even though the roots are invisible and remain under dirt, they are everything to the plant.

Where can you find a parallel to this in your own life?

Gonna Hear Me Roar

kitty gonna roar

To anyone who wants to listen, listen up…

I am currently listening to blasting  Roar by Katy Perry.

This is so therapeutic for me.

First, I gotta address the haters in my head….the constant critics..

They say, “Why are you blogging as if you’re writing in a private journal entry, but in public?  Don’t air your dirty laundry out in public.  Do it in private, please.”

My response:  I gotta take a shit.

If you’ve been holding in your bowels for years on end and you’re about to burst, you just do it.  My figurative bowels consist of conforming (out of fear) to the majority within my closest psycho-social environment, while constipating anything that poses a possible threat to this goal of conformity, even when it is within my own head.

I’m welcoming a developing condition of enmity to conformity within my psycho-social environments and I need to do it loud and proud.  If not, I am at risk of shrinking back to my previously conditioned default of fear-driven conformity, which is extremely likely the stem of many of my past “mental/mood disorders” and even physical ailments, such as my over-a-decade battle against the voice disorder, MTD (Muscle Tension Dysphonia).

Therefore – an essential part of my own recovery is being out LOUD about it.  Privacy and secrecy are all fine and dandy and serve their legitimate purposes and I will confine myself to those purposes when I determine they serve my recovery best, but I believe they can also be overrated when it comes to healing from shame and fear.

My hope is that me finding my true voice and authentic-self – out LOUD, and lovingly wooing her out of the darkness of shame and fear will provide inspiration, hope and permission for others to embark on the same courageous life-long journey in their own territory.  It’s an uphill battle, and I cannot do it alone, but I alone have got to take the steps to do this.

Peace.

Trust: Who, not how

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I am learning WHO to trust.  Not HOW to trust, but WHO.

It can be deceiving.

Just because someone holds a trustworthy position like mother, father, spouse, pastor, therapist or teacher – does not equate the person as being trustWORTHY.  I am learning this the hard way.

I have no trouble with trusting others.  I am a very trusting person when it comes to others, too trusting.  The trouble I’m experiencing is not how to trust, but who to trust. My recovery makes it clear that this theme is central for me to articulate, first to myself then to others.

 

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